How to Win a Fight With a Conservative

ISBN: 9781402265761

By: Daniel Kurtzman

Published: 06/01/2012

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Outwit and outmock those Crazy Conservatives! Tired of the delusional rantings of right-wing nut jobs? Does the mere mention of the Tea Party or Fox News pose a clear and present danger to your sanity? No matter the flavor of your misguided right-wing adversary, here's a survival guide for anyone who's fantasized about smacking down a conservative blowhard. Learn how to: • Hurl witty retorts at Obama haters, Bible-thumpers, and Wall Street shills • Explain why the Left is right and the Right is wrong with the dueling Conservative and Liberal Manifestos • Survive family sparring matches, manage workplace squabbles, and learn to cope if you're sleeping with the enemy • Entertain your friends and terrify your enemies while arguing politics on Facebook and Twitter • Use conservatives' words against them with a handy compilation of moronic right-wing quotes It's time to defend America against every intolerant, corrupt, arrogant, greed-mongering, science-hating, reality-denying imbecile in your midst. Stop the stampede of mindless, fact-loathing wingnuts!

About the Author

Daniel Kurtzman

Daniel Kurtzman chronicles the absurdities of politics as editor of politicalhumor.about.com, the popular website that is part of The New York Times Company's About.com network. A former Washington correspondent-turned-political satirist, his work has appeared in The New York Times, Huffington Post, and San Francisco Chronicle, among other publications. An equal opportunity offender, Kurtzman is author of the dueling humor books, "How to Win a Fight with a Conservative" and "How to Win a Fight with a Liberal." .


Table of Contents



Chapter 1: What It Means to Be a Liberal

What Breed of Liberal Are You?

The Liberal Manifesto

Rate Your Partisan Intensity Quotient (PIQ)

What's Your State of Embattlement?

Chapter 2: Know Your Enemy

The Conservative Manifesto

Frequently Asked Questions about Conservatives

A Field Guide to the Conservative Genus

Other Conservative Species You May Encounter

How to Rate a Conservative's Partisan Intensity Quotient (PIQ)

A Glimpse into the Conservative Utopia

Chapter 3: Can't We All Just Get Along?

A Day in the Life of Conservatives vs. Liberals

Battle of the Bumper Stickers

What Liberals Say vs. What Conservatives Hear

What Conservatives Say vs. What Liberals Hear

Common Enemies We Can All Agree to Hate

Chapter 4: Basic Training

The Seven Habits of Highly Ineffective Partisans

Do You Suffer from Argumentile Dysfunction?

How Not to Be an Asshole

The Ten Commandments of Partisan Warfare

How to Avoid Unhinged Lunatics

How to Detect Bullshit

How to Trip Up a Bullshitter

How to Spot Logical Fallacies

How to Win When You Can't Win Them Over

Chapter 5: How to Win Friends While Antagonizing People

How to Survive Family Sparring Matches

What to Do If You're Sleeping with the Enemy

How to Manage Workplace Squabbles

How to Clash with Perfect Strangers

How to Argue Politics on Facebook and Twitter

How to Properly Engage in Internet Flame Wars

Chapter 6: Kick-Ass Comebacks to Conservative Nonsense

How to Argue with an Obamaphobe

How to Argue with Economic Ignoramuses

How to Taunt a Tea Partier

How to Clash with Clueless Conservatives on Hot-Button Issues

How to Argue with Bible-Thumpers

How to Rebut Other Conservative Drivel

Chapter 7: The Conservative Hall of Shame

The Wing of Batshit Crazy

The Wing of Douche Bags

The Wing of Sex Fiends, Perverts, and Adulterers

Chapter 8: How to Use Conservatives' Own Words against Them

Stunningly Moronic Conservative Quotes

Breathtakingly Delusional Conservative Quotes

Shockingly Sociopathic Conservative Quotes


When All Else Fails: 125,000 Ways to Insult Conservatives


About the Author



“Many are asking if our political discourse has gotten too heated. And those people should go to hell!”

—Stephen Colbert



See More


Format: Paperback

Length: 7 in
Width: 5 in
Weight: 8.88 oz
Page Count: 240 pages


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